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Clean Jokes
Laughter is the best medicine as they say. This page is not
intended to degrade anybody's religion or belief but merely for
humor and laugh purposes only.
BIBLICAL RIDDLES Why was Moses the
most wicked man? What kind of
lights did Noah have on the ark? How does a lawyer
resemble a rabbi? What are the 2
smallest insects in the Bible? Who was the most
ambitious man in the Bible? Who was the first
canning factory run by? Why was Noah like
a hungry cat? What is it that
Adam never saw or had, yet left 2 of them for his children? What Bible
character may have only been a foot tall? What did Jesus
have in common with the fish that swallowed Jonah? How do we know
Isaiah's parents were good business people? During what season
did Eve eat the forbidden fruit? Why couldn't they
play cards on the ark? Why did poor Job
land in bed with a cold? How are roller-bladers
like the fruit in the Garden of Eden? Who introduced
salted meat to the Navy? Who slept five in
a bed? Why did the people
on the ark think the horses were pessimistic? How do we know
Abraham was smart? What was one of
the first example of math in the Bible? Why couldn't Cain
please God with his offering? How did God keep
the oceans clean? What did Noah say
as he was loading the Ark? What was the name
of Isaiah's horse? Was Noah the first
one out of the Ark? THE BUDDHIST AND JEHOVAH'S WITNESS One of the most enjoyable afternoons I ever spent was with a Jehovah's Witness who had come to my door. I never turn people away from my door, so I invited this chap in and put on the tea kettle. He began to tell me how very dangerous Roman Catholics are. This failed to get a rise out of me, so he marched on to trash various forms of mainstream Protestantism, secular humanism, world federalism and scientific materialism. He knew the Achilles heel of every one of these systems of thought, and I sat there and agreed with him wholeheartedly. He started talking about various Biblical passages to me, and I said "Would you mind if we read the Greek version? I find the translations a bit misleading." (This was a shameless bluff. My Greek was never very good, and I would have been in a real jam if he had taken me up on it.) After a bit of amicable discussion of various passages from the Bible, the JW was showing signs of obvious confusion. He just didn't know which trash bin to throw my beliefs into. Finally he started looking around the room and he said "I notice you have a lot of books on Buddhism here." I nodded. He asked whether I was a Buddhist. I said there were some moments on some days when I thought I might be a Buddhist, but I certainly didn't insist on being thought of as one. He abruptly stood up and said "I know nothing about Buddhism. I'll come back next week with our expert on Buddhism." Just barely finding time to thank me for the nice tea and biscuits, he bolted out the door. The next week, as promised, I received a visit from the local expert on Buddhism. He began by telling me that Buddhism is mostly full of superstitious nonsense. I agreed wholeheartedly. (That was twenty years before I had this indisputable fact confirmed with tedious regularity by our friend Bhava.) He went on to say that Buddhists worship the Buddhist Pope, whose name was Dalai Lama. I politely disagreed. He then said that Buddhists are atheists who deny that Jehovah is the supreme creator. I cordially agreed and offered him another biscuit. The man stayed with me for a couple of hours and was growing decidedly restless. So I offered to teach him to meditate. He abruptly stood up and bolted, not even thanking me for the nice tea and biscuits. From that time on, I never again got visits from the Jehovah's Witnesses. They walked right past my house. Once I went out onto the veranda and called out to them, inviting them in for tea. They waved nervously and accelerated their pace. Ever since that time, I have found that nothing works more swiftly with Christian door-to-door evangelists than to invite them into my meditation room and to ask them to pull up a cushion, sit quietly and concentrate on their breathing. This invariably reminds them that they have an emergency appointment somewhere across town.... ACTS 2:38 A pastor was leading an inquirer through catechetical training and Bible study. One of the verses he emphasized was Acts 2:38. [check it out; it's very appropriate] "Always remember this verse," the pastor said. "If you do, you will never go wrong. Just remember, Acts Two Thirty-eight." "Gotcha!" said the inquirer as he left that session. Some time later, as he approached his car on the edge of a mall parking lot near dark, two guys jumped him. Immediately he shouted as loudly as he could: "ACTS TWO THIRTY EIGHT! ACTS TWO THIRTY EIGHT!" One of the thugs said to the other: "Hey, man! Let's split" and started running away as fast as he could. After a moment of puzzled hesitation the other ran after him till he caught up with him in the nearby woods. "What's going on, Man?" he asked. "Didn't you hear what that dude said?" asked the other. "He had two thirty-eights and an ax."
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