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Jokes
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Laughter is the best medicine as they say. This page is not
intended to degrade anybody's religion or belief but merely for
humor and laugh purposes only.
Selling Bibles
This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job
of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three
people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The
first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for
you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit; go
sell!"
The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for
you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go
sell!"
The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want
t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi -
Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for
you!"
"No," shouted the man, "this will never work! You
can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied,
"B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really,
n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!"
As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll
give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!"
At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and
reports, "I sold 8 Bibles today." The second reports:
"I sold 11 Bibles today. The third worker reports,
"To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I
sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!" "Great," says the
man. "However, I want you to sell lots more Bibles than
that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!"
At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and
reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles." The second worker
reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today" The third worker
reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79
Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles."
"Fantastic," said the man, "since you're doing so
well, so much better than these other two bums, why don't you
tell them what your sales technique is." Replied the
worker, "I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal-
wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them
and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if
they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want
to b--b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi - want to buy a
Bi--b--a - a- abi - buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do
th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to READ it to 'em?"
One for you, One for me
There was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two
boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out
of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one
for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.
The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.
Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he
passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He
slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for
you, one for me. One for you."
He knew what it was. "Oh my!" he shuddered, "It's
Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"
He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane,
hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't
believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the
cemetery dividing the souls."
The man said, "Shoo, you brat! Can't you see I'm finding it
hard to walk as it is!" After several pleas, the man
hobbled to the cemetery and heard, "One for you, one for
me. One for you, one..."
The old man whispered, "Boy, you's been tellin' the truth!
Let's see if we can see the Devil himself." Shivering with
fear, they edged toward the fence, still unable to see anything,
but they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one
for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Let's go get those
nuts by the fence, and we'll be done."
They say the old guy made it to town 10 minutes before the boy!
A Problem and A Problem
The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father
for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply
concerned about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I
have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put
off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is
wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even
to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her
problem up with her mom. "Mom," she said, "When I
wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad
breath in the morning."
"No, you don't understand,. My morning breath is so bad,
I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same
room with me."
Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get
straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make
breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the
bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word
until you've brushed your teeth."
"I shouldn't say good morning or anything?" the
daughter asked.
"Not a word," her mother affirmed.
"Well, it's certainly worth a try," she thought.
The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the
advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she
with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is,
until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning,
the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had
come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches
the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking,
she asks, "What on earth are you doing?"
"Oh, my," he replies, "you've swallowed my
sock!"
Taiwanese Tourist at
Immigration
A Taiwanese man with very poor, practically no, English
knowledge once visited the US. His name happened to be: Teng
Xiao Ping.
At the Immigration, the officer asked him a few questions to
verify his true intention of coming to the US:
- First he was asked: "What is the last name of our first
President?" Not knowing English neither what was the
question, he guessed they must have asked him for his family
name.
So he replied:"Wa Sing Teng". (in Hokkien meaning My
Last Name is Teng). The officer heard of "Washington!"
(same sound) so passed him of the first question.
- Second question was:"What do you come to the US
for?" This time the Taiwanese thought, naturally he would
be asked of his first name.
So he replied:"Xiao Ping." The officer heard of:
"Shopping!" so nodded and proceeded with his third
question. "What car do u drive back home?"
The tourist thought he was asked of his marital status, so he
exclaimed: "Wa Bo Bo". (in Hokkien meaning I have no
wife). And the officer heard of:"Volvo!" So smiled
with compliment and asked again.
- The fourth question was:"Who is the most popular basket
ball player here in the US?" By this time our Taiwanese
friend was getting a bit impatient and annoyed hence
shouted:"Mai Ho Wa Ja Dan". (meaning Don't let me here
wait).
The officer heard of:"Michael Jordan!" With great
appreciation of this tourist's wide knowledge, the officer let
him passed without further harrassment.
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